Having decided that perhaps pregnancy yoga isn’t my favourite sport after all, and yet being acutely aware of the need to sort out my feather-like leg muscles and my complete lack of fitness before D-day, I decide to pitch up to the local aqua aerobics class for pregnant ladies.


I’d bought a maternity tankini at Topshop before I left London – it served me well when I was reclining on the beach in Santorini. I wore it to aqua aerobics last week. It gaped, it billowed, it rode up when I was jogging across the pool, and it refused to support me throughout the gravity-defying moments. I looked around at the other women in the pool, and they’re boobs were all securely in place and their tummies neatly covered.

I felt ridiculous.

However – it was good exercise, didn’t involve balancing on one leg or pretending to be a warrior, and so I wanted to persevere. I went to the swimsuit specialist shop and parted with the GDP of a small nation so that I’d have coverage and support. This swimsuit fit me all over and held all my bulging bits firmly in place. Later that night I explained to my boyfriend that I’d be able to wear it well beyond the birth, as it’ll cover my less-than-perfect post-baby stomach. In fact, I’d be able to wear it for any subsequent pregnancies, and therefore it was better than investing in shares.

I debuted it last night and it was a success. In last night’s session we all had to lean against the wall of the pool, arms outstretched, and kick out in front. I kicked out, sneaking looks at my magical swimsuit. Beneath the water it looked like crushed velvet and I realised that my days of feeling great in a new outfit weren’t over after all. I was like Angelina Jolie in St Tropez!


When the time came to step away from the wall and change to a new exercise, I found to my dismay that my arms were stuck in the recess. I tried to yank them out but it was no use, and I began to panic. The teacher came to rescue me and assured me that everyone gets their elbow stuck at least once. “Yes,” the girl standing beside me concurred. “One girl even burst into tears.”

So perhaps I lost a little of my Angelina-ness there towards the end, but I’m definitely going to stick with the pool workouts.